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Fic(ish): Love Ruins Everything.

Constantine - magic's quite simple
So, a while back, when I still had ideas for SPN fic, I was going to write this massive epic where Castiel and Ruby had been working together all along. They'd have these awkward meetings at roadside diners and motel parking lots, both of them trailing their respective Winchesters, unable to be more than barely civil to each other, despite working towards the same goal -- freeing Lucifer.

Both were in love with someone they had betrayed/were betraying/would probably always betray -- Sam in Ruby's case, Lucifer in Castiel's. Neither would exist in their current state if not for Lucifer -- Ruby would not be a demon, had Lucifer not fallen and corrupted the first one, and Castiel would not be the one chosen for his task, had he not loved Lucifer, but refused to follow him down. Ruby and Castiel would fuel Sam and Dean's jealousies, their rage, their anger and frustration, and channel them appropriately, culminating, much like canon, with Sam killing Lilith, then an enraged Dean, aided by Castiel, stabbing Ruby. Sam would then blame Castiel for twisting Dean and turning Dean against him, and use the remnants of his demonic power to get Dean out from Castiel's influence -- by burning away the angelic handprint on his shoulder, thus breaking the last seal, and freeing Lucifer.

After a while, I lost the drive, then the idea got Kripked when it turned out Ruby and Castiel had been working towards the same goal. Time passed. Summer turned into fall Long story short, here's a snippet from what I did get done. Unrequited love all around, Lucifer!Dean, pretentiousness galore, and no beta, obviously. I am posting it because I want it out of my head before the new season starts.




"Look at them. You know that they say love means never having to say you're sorry? That love makes the world go round; makes your soul come out of its hiding place. They say love is a promise that vanquishes time. Love is patient, love is kind, love keeps no record of wrongs. They must think that's really how it works -- love never fails -- because they don't worry about the rest. They don't want to know that love brings you down. Their cards, their movies -- they don't tell you it gets inside you and hollows you out, ruins everything you have to ruin. Love makes you make mistakes -- "

"Really? This is what you want to talk about?" she says, sliding into the booth across from me, glossy black hair, glossy black eyes, even her nails covered in glossy lacquer. "Hallmark cards and Lifetime specials? Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth? Been there; done that. It didn't work out. Coffee, please," she tells the waitress. "Eggs, over easy, whole wheat toast, and I know they're not on the breakfast menu, but can you do fries instead of hash browns? Thanks ever so much."

"It means making mistakes," I say again, just as the waitress asks, "Anything for you, sir?"

"He'll have coffee and the waffles," Ruby interjects before I can send the waitress away, and shakes her head reproachfully. "When was the last time you put something into that body?"

"He doesn't need that kind of nourishment when I am with him; you know that. For that matter, you -- she -- doesn't need it, either."

"She? Oh, there's no one in here with me. The quiet, it's kinda refreshing. I can't imagine going back to sharing after this."

I can't hide the cringe, and she crooks her mouth. I can smell her over the hot, cloying sweetness of the coffee, a wet, musty tang of rot and wrong, and wonder, not for the first time, how Sam Winchester can stand it. Putting his mouth to that cold, dead flesh, sucking the sluggish black out of her veins and feeling the rot spread through his own. Unclean.

"That's irony for ya," she grins. I hate the way she always seems to know what I'm thinking. "You're way too easy to read. You can't really think cleanliness is going to be high on his list of priorities?"

"I don't know what to think," I admit as the waitress sets the plate of waffles in front of me, hands me a little dish of warmed syrup.

"Gotta be hard, having to do it on your own after... how many millennia has it been? Try the waffles; you'll like them. I promise."

"It's a mistake," I mumble around a mouthful of hot dough. She's right; the waffles are good, crispy and rich, delicate crystals of powdered sugar melting on my borrowed tongue. "It's all been mistakes upon mistakes. What if it doesn't work?"

"One more seal," she says, egg smeared over her fork and knife. "Well. Two, technically. But who's counting, right? It'll work. I know it will."

"How can you be so sure?"

She smirks, chewing and swallowing, and reaches for the bottle of Tabasco.

"Like you said. It gets inside you and takes you hostage. Hollows you out until there's nothing else left. Love ruins everything, Cas" she says. "In fact, I think there might be a song about that."

I cannot stand it when she calls me 'Cas', and she knows it. "Don't tell me," she says, rolling her eyes. "You have that same ridiculous hang-up on names. Only Dean calls me that; give me a break."

"Names have power. He's always called me that," I say, and she looks up. Stops adding pepper to the swirls of hot sauce on her plate.

"Even... before? Tell me again: what was he like, before?"

"Beautiful," I say, and push my plate to the side. "I just hope he can... I don't think -- I don't think he's going to forgive me."

"I don't know," she says. Even when she's serious, she sounds like she's mocking. "Is forgiving in the job description?"

I think back to the rack, the tattered scraps upon it, and his eyes, heavy, empty-flat, but still green. They'd always be green, even as he tightened the chains, listened to the joints popping. Even as my touch seared him deep, flesh, blood, bone, thought, memory, as he breaks, so shall it break. He had only broken the first one, and yet I still desperately searched for a spark of recognition in his face, hoping. Or fearing. Or both.

There was nothing. It was only the first one, and so I pressed my hand tighter, harder. Sealed all the tatters in.

Ruby scoffs, snapping me back.

"Huh. No scripture? I would've thought for sure you'd sprout something from the New International... or, no, you're a King James man. Why does this bitch speak blasphemies? who can forgive sins but god only?"

"We have to leave," I say, sighing. "Time's running low. I have to set Sam Winchester free. And you have to be ready to answer his summons."

"You make it sound so... profound. 'Set him free.' Like you're leading him out of the desert, not popping open a basement lock. I like it."

She smiles at me, and for a moment, I think I see blood on her mouth, bubbling up from her throat, dark deep stain seeping over her skin, but then she turns her head and there is nothing.

I don't smile back. I gather up my coat and walk towards the doors, past the peeling vinyl booths and the buzzing jukebox, the big plastic box machine with its metal claw and pile of cheap stuffed toys.

"Hey" she calls from behind me, "hey! Be careful, you know? I, uh. Oh, hell. Just be careful," and I nod. Push on the door handle.

Hell. She says the word like humans do, the way they say 'shit' and 'god' and 'damn' and sometimes 'fudge' and 'sugar', substituting in sweets when they don't want to offend. It's a peculiar habit.

Once upon a time, one of Azazel's children told Dean Winchester about hell. A prison of bone and flesh and blood and fear, she said, and bashed her fist into his face, again and again. I wonder if she would have still done it, had she known how right she was.

I take care that Sam doesn't see me as I do away with the locks and the bars, as he stumbles up the basement stairs and draws in greedy breaths of clear night air. We'll meet again soon enough, after he's broken the sixty-fifth seal, and I hope the sight of me will give him enough rage to break the last one.

Comments

( 22 comments — Leave a comment )
maerhys
Sep. 9th, 2009 05:48 pm (UTC)
*chills* This is pretty damned amazing and OH HOW I WISH IT HAD GONE LIKE THIS because so interesting. Plus, I adore the idea of Castiel and Lucifer and a twisted love between them. Bring me dysfunctional please. If you ever do continue this, I'll read it in a heartbeat.
cormallen
Sep. 11th, 2009 06:25 pm (UTC)
Thanks, hon.

*sigh*
I wish I could say I'd continue -anything-, but I'm pretty much incapable of that. Last season had pretty much killed me for writing SPN fic, and last night's ep cemented that, as I suspected it would.
maerhys
Sep. 11th, 2009 06:27 pm (UTC)
*hugs* I am sorry to hear that.... been there, been through mourning process. It sucks.
cormallen
Sep. 11th, 2009 06:32 pm (UTC)
Well, life's not helping. Honestly, it feels like I am wasting valuable time I could be spending doing... well, I don't actually know what, because if I knew what else to do, I'd be doing it already -- but, anyway, every time I sit here answering comments, even, my brain just kicks in to remind me I'm engaging in a frivolity I can't afford. Sorry, too miserable, I know. Which is why I should probably stay away from here.
fromyourashes
Sep. 9th, 2009 05:50 pm (UTC)
Oh, oh, baby love. Oh, gosh. I do so very much want more, but won't pester you. I'd also like to say hi, and that I miss you, and that I hope you're okay.
cormallen
Sep. 11th, 2009 06:32 pm (UTC)
Hey, hon. I wish I had something nice to say about life, the universe, and everything, but I still don't. Thanks for reading this, though. I miss you, too. <3
dev_earl
Sep. 9th, 2009 07:10 pm (UTC)
This is absolutely AMAZING. I love that it's from Castiel's POV and the whole thing with Lucifer!Dean and the whole thing with Ruby. I love the images he has of Sam drinking Ruby's blood, how wrong it is. I love how he views Dean - the now and before.

If you ever decide to finish this, it'll be an incredibly awesome piece.
cormallen
Sep. 11th, 2009 06:38 pm (UTC)
Thanks, hon. And thank you for reading (even though it was essentially a prick-tease, since I strongly doubt I'll ever do anything more with it).
benitle
Sep. 9th, 2009 07:13 pm (UTC)
Oh, this is making me shiver! Kripke'd or not - I'd LOVE to see more of this.
cormallen
Sep. 11th, 2009 06:39 pm (UTC)
Thanks. I'd promise I'd try, but I honestly don't think I will be doing anything more with it.
honeymull
Sep. 9th, 2009 09:31 pm (UTC)
Holy crap.

That is beyond awesome. The idea you fleshed out before the actual ficcing is just. Dude. I think I got CHILLS just reading the description, much less the ficlet itself. Damn.

Absolutely fascinating. *__* Please ignore me now, as I'm going to proceed to fangirl the fuck out of your brain.
cormallen
Sep. 11th, 2009 06:43 pm (UTC)
Thanks. I'm really glad the idea did something for you. I'll be honest, I strongly doubt I'll do anything else with it, so, um... sorry for being a cocktease :(
honeymull
Sep. 11th, 2009 08:20 pm (UTC)
No worries about teasing. It's marvelous how it is now, truth. :)
bitterbird
Sep. 9th, 2009 11:30 pm (UTC)
this is so so amazingly interesting hon!
cormallen
Sep. 11th, 2009 06:43 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
jacyevans
Sep. 10th, 2009 01:20 am (UTC)
This? Is awesome. I love the thought of clandestine meetings between Cas and Ruby like this, how they're still on opposite sides, but somehow working together towards that same goal. If you still decide to continue, I would definitely want to read more.
cormallen
Sep. 11th, 2009 06:42 pm (UTC)
Thanks. I'll be honest, I strongly doubt I'll do anything else with this, so, um, sorry for being such a cocktease, but thank you for reading.
1orelei
Sep. 10th, 2009 03:35 pm (UTC)
You have that same ridiculous hang-up on names.

Liked this. Enjoyed it all, but really liked this. :)
cormallen
Sep. 11th, 2009 06:33 pm (UTC)
Thanks, hon.
laulan
Sep. 10th, 2009 10:46 pm (UTC)
Oh wow, so chilling. I love this, and I especially love all your descriptions of Ruby, and Castiel's experiences with his borrowed body. Very nicely done.
cormallen
Sep. 11th, 2009 06:33 pm (UTC)
Thanks. And thanks for reading, even though it's such a... erm, cocktease.
laulan
Sep. 11th, 2009 06:45 pm (UTC)
Honestly, though more would of course be awesome, I think it stands just fine on its own. You got everything you needed in there, and it still has one punch of an emotional impact, so--mission accomplished, as far as I'm concerned. And sometimes you're just DONE with something, no matter how much you'd like not to be--I definitely get that. I think it's pretty cool you shared it anyway.
( 22 comments — Leave a comment )

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Constantine - magic&#39;s quite simple
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